If you happened to miss the first IPL match, I hope your stay under the largest rock on the planet was worth it. But there's no need to sweat it if it wasn't. Because what you missed can be summarised, metaphorically, by this depiction of absolute carnage:
And also this:
The aggressors, in this case, were none other than the Kolkata Knight Riders.
Now, even though the Bangalore Royal Challengers are my co-favourites in the IPL, I decided to pull for my other co-favourites, the Knight Riders, for this match. This is where things started to go horribly wrong for the Royal Challengers. Because you may have all the hot American cheerleaders on your side, but nothing beats the advantage offered by my flagitious telepathy. Of course, McCullum's 158 n.o. of 73 balls didn't really hurt our cause either.
As much as it pained me to see the Royal Challengers get drubbed in such brutal fashion, the ecstasy of watching a public rogering of Dr(?).Vijay Mallya was just something else.
So, whatcha gonna do Dr.Mallya? Whatcha gonna do, when Rider-mania runs wild on YOU?